It felt like he was talking to a wall… Well, he often was, wasn’t he? Whether it was his cousin who wasn’t listening, fellow soldiers in general, or… Well, he was just alone. Despite being able to get along with people well, Dai was the one that usually did the listening, not the other way around. People often didn’t listen to what he had to say, nor did they take much of it seriously. Charismatic, sure, but too kind, maybe. A lot of the times people just walked all over him. Needless to say, now wasn’t much different. She rolled around next to him and ignored him the best she could, it seemed. Looking over his shoulder at her, he smiled a little pathetically. Yeah, he knew. Maybe that was the worst part of it all.
Eventually though, she did respond… Although it wasn’t a positive one. Blinking the moment her fist curled into his shirt, he leaned away from her a bit in defense. W – What did he say…? She was supposed to be getting rest… A stupid idea, of course, but still. What did he say that roused her suddenly? Arching his brows, he remained quiet amidst listening to her stumbled responses.
He didn’t know, huh?
He didn’t understand?
A morbid, short chuckle escaped him as her moods shifted and her body shook. He didn’t understand, she said—to have everyone and everything you cared for to be utterly obliterated before your very eyes; to be the only survivor in a bloody sea of crimson, and above all else, to want revenge. Oh, he understood alright, though his own emotions were often overshadowed by his cousin’s despite Ma Chao’s absence in their clan’s death. His eyes lowered and his shoulders slumped at the remains of his memories. He knew her situation very clearly, and above everyone else he could sympathize. He was such a hypocrite; to watch and escape the death of the Ma clan, then to go out and commit the same crime in the name of his cousin by his side. The amount of guilt that weighed on him for such a decision that led him to make his decision in assisting the vengeance-seeking warrior—whose thirst was only for Ma Chao’s blood and wine. His silver eyes fluttered closed as he sat in momentary silence, though he raised a hand thereafter and enveloped Wang Yi’s within it.
“I understand.” He responded somewhat flatly—no, more melancholic. Tugging at her fist, he gently tugged it away from the grip it held on him.
“Believe me, my lady. I’ve experienced the same.” Yet another morose laugh escaped him. Ma Dai shifted next to her and lowered her hand before continuing. “I’m alone… And maybe in that respect, we’re the same.” Well… He had Ma Chao, of course… But in most instances, did that really count? Was it the same? His cousin was so ambitious—surrounded by equal and greater generals and so engrossed in the war itself. He had little to no time to dote on his younger cousin and simply spend time. Family was important, of course, but his own ambitions and sense of justice was more-so. The more he realized that, the more it stung… And the more it stung, the more he could sympathize with Wang Yi.
“What will you do once you’ve reached your goal?” Not that Ma Dai would allow it, but he couldn’t let her know that either. “It won’t fix anything. You’ll just be ending more lives and destroying more homes.” Ah… But what was the point in this? To be talking to her in a state of intoxication where she wouldn’t even be able to understand him or remember his words at all? Sighing, Ma Dai moved to stand, then leaned over her body to resettle her into place. She needed sleep… And water. Definitely something to eat, but he would wait until morning for that.
“Get some rest, my lady. The alcohol will drown out your nightmares tonight…” He paused, smiled down at her pleasantly, then pointed towards his desk with his thumb, motioning that he would be there if she needed him as well. “I’ll do my best to fend them off for you as well.”
Turning away from her, Ma Dai set his hands against his hips before wandering back to his desk riddled with various papers and short scrolls filled with studied strategies. Squinting down at his writing through the dim candlelight, he seated himself without another word. The only thing that filled the silence was his breathing, his brush strokes, and the chirping crickets outside the encampment.
With the amount of alochol that she had consumed, it was no surprised at how unresponsive Wang Yi was. To top with her already withdrawn, and to the point nature, adding alcohol in the mix only made her so much worse with talking. Then again, while intoxicated, all she did was wallow within her own emotions and misery, so having Ma Dai here wasn’t exactly helping her, or him (then again, she had no idea who she was with, so hell if she knew it was him).. If he wanted to talk to someone, he should’ve went out of his tent to go find another officer, or talked to the foot soldiers he had outside the tent.. He did have foot soldiers out there, right? Maybe.. Agh’, curse how clouded her mind was. Despite being a high functioning alcoholic, there were still many nights that she couldn’t remember from the amount she consumed.. and there were even parts of her escapades that she didn’t bother to remember. Quite honestly, she wanted to forget a lot, than to focus on what she had experienced before hand and drinking was the only numbing substance she could get her hands on.
However, he kept grating at every nerve within her body and she found herself pushed over the edge. Emotions were cranked up to an absolute high, and she just had to refrain from pinning him down on the bed and punching his jugular. If she wasn’t volatile enough while sober, everything became a lot more intensified while drunk. So here he was, talking before hand and now he can’t even say anything to her in reply? What the hell was this all about? He was just quiet and this was making her even more agitated. Gods, the nerve he had.. And as she was about to speak up in remark toward his silent behavior, he chuckled.
Why was.. Did he take this as a joke? Was this funny to him? What in.. Her brows furrowed, tears starting to fall from the corners of her eyes. As if her anger wasn’t already bad enough.. The lengths that they were achieving was outrageous for even her. She quickly wiped away at her eyes, turning away so he wouldn’t see. As she turned to look back at him, her eyes tried their best to focus back on him. Curse how drunk she was.. It was so hard to completely stay on one figure without having it become split, or fuzzy. The once familiar feeling of a touch snapped her out of trying to stare at him. He was.. touching her, but it wasn’t the kind that he had done before; it wasn’t him carrying her to bed, or trying to tuck her in.. This seemed different. She wasn’t going to let herself get carried away and let her guard down, but.. As he lowered her hand, she looked down, biting her lower lip.
She couldn’t understand him.
Why was he so.. Annoying. Despite her best efforts to shove him away, he continued to pursue and try to talk to her. It was annoying, really, but she did instigate these with getting out of bed and trying to figure out who he was.. However, he eased into the situation and tried to go about with making conversation with her. If she was sober, she could take this as a nice gesture.. Even while drunk, it was still somewhat nice, but she had no idea who he was and it was the constant paranoia of being with the enemy that drew her away from getting comfortable.
“You.. u.. understand?” Wang Yi asked, eyes fluttering at the possibility that he might. No, no- no one could ever understand what she had went through. No one. Maybe a fragment of what she had went through, but never the entire story. There was no way. As if he had suffered the same fate she had.. True, there were children within this war who had, but even then, they were still civilians. They could never go about and bring forth their own revenge into a reality.. She could. She could taste the satisfaction of destroying the man who destroyed her - she was so close to it. Her goal was within reach every battle they had against Shu. “I .. doubt.. t-that..” She mumbled, blinking as he had continued. The .. same?
Maybe to some degree, yes, but.. She couldn’t say they were the exact same. That was ridiculous. It was too much of an overstretched statement to even think that. “M.. Maybe you.. are alone, b.. but.. I..” She paused, shutting her eyes. Her body swayed slightly, and she gripped back onto the bed to support herself. Dammit. He started speaking up again, and at this she perked up as best as she could. What would she do.. when she reached her goal? “T.. That is easy.. I would celebrate my v.. victory at.. getting.. m-my re.. revenge.” She hissed out. It won’t fix anything, hm? “I.. I would.. disa.. disagree wi.. with you.” And at that, Wang Yi chuckled, shaking her head at the idea. True, it wouldn’t fix everything for her, but it would at least give her the fulfillment she had been wanting. It would help to curve off the hunger that infested her for years since that fateful incident.
She squinted as he got up, frowning at the change in his tone. Huh. Seems he had decided to exit out of the previous mood and change himself into a new one.. Figures. People were so strange.. Hiding the feelings they had and going into a different one to fit the mood, or at least one they felt would change things.. She didn’t do that, she just masked the true depth that her feelings went down to if she felt the person didn’t deserve to know how she really felt. As the officer reached down and fixed her back into her previous position, she snorted at his little comment.
“It.. it only d.. drowns them out temporarily..” The Wei woman sighed, looking down at the material of the bed. As if he could ever fend off anything that troubled her. She sneered at the mere thought that he could fix, or even try to do anything to make it better for her. No one, but herself could do that. She was in control of fixing her own issues. Tired eyes tried their best to watch his form walk away and go to his desk, but the drowsiness that was there before, came back with vengeance. It hit her tenfold and she could feel the rest of the world begin to turn black. No, no, she.. didn’t want to go to sleep.. Not.. now.. But the soft noises that the brush strokes produced at his desk, with the combination of the bugs outside were a makeshift lullaby for her. “J.. Just..” She breathed out, snuggling into the bed, “w.. who are.. you..” Wang Yi yawned out, right as she dozed off into the cot.